Shame and Blame: What Are Healthy Ways To Grow Through These?

September 8, 2023
Hosted by Barbara Palmer

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Guest Information

Episode Description

This episode takes a close look at situations, circumstances, and various cultures (organizational, ethnic, social, familial, etc.) that frequently engage in a shame/blame dynamic, which breeds conflicts. In fact, a sure way for conflict to to get started anywhere is for someone, anyone, but especially someone in a position of leadership to point an index finger at a person and say, "He (or she) did's his (or her) fault that this bad thing happened!" Shame and blame initially are tied to internal thoughts that eventually get expressed verbally or in writing with emotions like guilt and anger, and are like rubbing two sticks or flints together that are sure to start a spark, or fire, or conflict. The combination of shaming and blaming can quickly create a downward spiral of blazing emotions between two people, a family, within an individual, or spread a fire of anger, bitterness, ill-will, embarrassment, defensiveness, resentment, projection, and a host of negative imaginings and emotions that do nothing to build relationships or generate personal growth. Instead, shame and blame result in people feeling bad, problems not being resolved, it only harms relationships. Both the blamer and the person blamed are negatively affected, as well as any person who joined the conversation and added a negative opinion, accusation, or judgement about the blamer or the blamed person and the bad situation. Even though shame and blame, and their companion, guilt, have a downward pull and can create a seriously negative momentum wherever they occur, there are ways to break these two conflict-mongers and shut down and reverse their downward pull and impact. We will discus healthy ways to address and master conflict, including internal conflict, related to shame and blame, whether someone else pointed a finger at us or we pointed out finger at someone else, or we pointed an accusing finger at ourselves. Join this inspiring conversation, live, or listen in on the conversation using Voice America's on-demand option as we are joined during this episode by Sheila Rivera, nee McDonald, who is the mother of four grown children and four grandchildren. She has been married to Jose Rivera for 26 years. She has "wrestled" with God to find meaning, purpose, and joy beyond the confines of toxic guilt, shame, and worldly gain. She is the author of a book of prayers for people struggling with abuse, addictions, poor life choices, and low self-worth. She gives her book, entitled Prayers for Reconciliation, Recovery, and Restoration to women who need to know the truth about what God says about them. She offers her book, free of charge, to women in facilities and various groups at the Star of Hope/New Hope program, Santa Maria Hostel/Bambi program, and The Landing, a sex trafficking drop-in center in Houston, TX. She is excited to share her journey of saving grace experienced thanks to a program called Celebrate Recovery, where she served as a facilitator and leader.

Coaching with a Twist

Fridays at 12PM Pacific Time on VoiceAmerica Health and Wellness Channel

Coaching With A Twist (CWAT) is a Podcast that informs, inspires, and empowers its listeners and invites them to think better, make quality decisions, and take consistent steps towards building a life they love living! Health and well-being are foundational, practical, and powerful when you know how life works, remove self-limiting blocks, and make a habit of doing what works to achieve positive results! This is true even when truth flies in the face of what you think is accurate but does not work. CWAT helps listeners take a candid, interactive, and whole spectrum look at four quadrants of life: 1) Health & Well-being, 2) Love & Relationships, 3) Work and Creative Expression 4) Time and Money Freedom. Excellent health and well-being of body, mind, and soul (spirit) are foundational for any other wellness to exist or be sustained in the different areas of life. Each episode includes a guest interview and questions from the live audience and ends with activity and practical solutions.

Barbara Palmer

Barbara Palmer has more than thirty-five years of experience working with children and adults in a variety of mental health, physical health, and public health settings. She draws from her wealth of clinical, research, and life experience in health and human services as a business owner/operator, academic program director and lead faculty, healthcare provider (occupational therapist), and lay minister. She is educated and experienced in conducting individual and group assessments, activity and occupational analysis, and innovative problem-solving. Her background includes vast experience helping adults develop life skills. She has a Bachelor of Science degree in occupational therapy, a Master's degree in Christian Counseling, and a Master's degree in Health Information Systems. In addition, she is a licensed and nationally credentialed health coach, internationally recognized life coach, trained by the best of the best life and health coaches in the world (Mary Morrissey and her faculty, Tony Robbins, Dean Graziosi, to name a few), and is known as a gifted and intuitive healer. She loves helping people become the best version of themselves, and her passion is evident when she speaks and in her book Healthy, Happy, Whole: A Health and Wellbeing Workbook, and my community work where I helped educate and empower people to rebuild lives they truly love living by tapping into their personal power, processing limiting beliefs, and dialing down on victim-thinking and disempowerment.

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